Knock! Knock!
by Navigate Me
Summary: I've felt as though someone has been constantly knocking on the other side of the door. There was a desperate need to open the door and was all that drove me. Instead of opening it I knocked back in hopes of a response and waited. And waited. And waited.


**Title: **Knock! Knock!  
**Author**_**:**_ Heiwajima Shizuo.  
**Rating:** T.  
**Warning:** AU. And... that's about it, actually. Trololol.  
**Summary:** I've felt as though someone has been constantly knocking on the other side of the door. There was a desperate need to open the door and was all that drove me. Instead of opening it I knocked back in hopes of a response and waited. And waited. And waited.

**A/N:** This is my version of this doujin I found when I was bored, haha. To be honest, the doujin is from a completely different series ^^; It's a SpainxSouthItaly doujin (Hetalia) and since I don't really know how to write SpainxSouthItaly, I thought I'd switch it to KidaxMikado. Kekeke :3

I watched it off youtube, lawl. If you guys do decide to watch the video, know that somethings in this fic aren't said in the video and yeah. Here's the link.

www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=91n9nvJkg1E

Just replace the (dot)'s with periods, lol. Sorry for the mistakes! Haha, I feel so badass for not studying for my Science exam tomorrow x)

* * *

When was it that I came to "want" all of him? When exactly did the way I see him change...?

When did I stop being satisfied with the way things are?

It's all confusing, really. One day he was nothing but my childhood friend I'd love to mess and joke around with. For hours we'd spend time together, laugh, and everything was just perfect.

And then suddenly, the more and more we'd kid around with each other, the emptier I started to feel. Instead of the laughing and smiling that came with the time spent together, I always felt like something was wrong. I even tried spending _more_ time with him in hopes of lightening mood because just _seeing_ his face seemed to cheer me up. Unfortunately, I ended up feeling even _worse_.

At first I didn't know why I started feeling like that. When I was first hit with these terrible feelings, I began to assume something was wrong with me. To be upset and not even know why? I felt rather silly, really. But I just couldn't shake it off.

I wasn't sure where this came from, but I it always felt as though someone was constantly knocking on the other side of the door. And there was this desperate need to open the door that was all that drove me.

It's hard to describe, really. But this door that separated me and my emotions from everyone else–someone just started knocking on it. Not only that, but there was this voice that always told me to 'do it.'

I didn't know what it wanted me _to do _then, and whenever I ignored it's voice, I ended up feeling worse and worse. It only made everything even more confusing.

And just when I thought I couldn't feel anymore upset and confused, I started to have dreams about him.

In my dreams then and even now, I've had sex with Mkado countless times. It scared me at first. I mean, what would _you_ do if _you_ had a dream of doing _your_ best friend?

When I woke up after the first dream, I just couldn't bring myself to look at him the same way. After that, almost every single night was just another dream of him waiting to happen. The way his face looked with his cheeks tinted pink, how his hair looked when stuck to his forehead from all the sweat, those sounds that slipped from his slightly parted lips as he was pinned under me...

I started to think I was a huge pervert and I tried avoiding him for a bit. Just long enough for me to sort out those reoccuring dreams.

But when I wasn't with him, I felt like complete _shit_. Yet when I _was_ with him I felt _just_ as upset. I didn't understand why, but it wasn't until I noticed all the time he started to spend with Anri after that I realized how jealous I was of seeing him with someone else.

There were so many different emotions I wasn't able to comprehend running through my mind. Despite the dreams and the need to analyze them, my jealously out weighed everything else and I gave up avoiding him. And before I knew it, we were as close as ever. I felt terrible, but I just _needed_ to be with him even if that was just as bad as not being around him.

Then sometime between seeing the two together and now, I realized I didn't want him as a friend.

_No_.

I wanted him as so–so _so_ much _more_.

But then the thought came to me. What if he didn't feel the same? For all I knew, I was nothing more to him than a best friend–silly little Kida Masaomi he'd always be _just_ friends with. And that thought actually pained me.

_Just friends_... I didn't like the sound of it_ at all_.

Though everyday felt even more meaningless than the ones before, I never told him about it. Despite being the best of friends, I hid everything from him but the thought scared me–just what was I suppose to say if he asked what was wrong?

I couldn't just spill everything. I couldn't tell him how I felt, why I started avoiding him, and I most certainly couldn't tell him about those dreams.

I was scared. I was scared of what would happen if he knew. Everyday I would look and him and think 'Would you hate me if I said I wanted you all for myself?'

Even though those dreams were a big problem for me then, years flew by and I've learned to how to handle the way I would react to it. I don't freak out as much as I use to, now that I think about it. But even now I am shocked by how much my desire deepens when I open my eyes and come back to reality.

Whenever I was with him, whenever he crossed my mind, and whenever I saw him, the strange knocking always grew louder and louder. Then one day, when I decided to knock on the door back, I found myself standing, terrified, waiting for it to open. Though it scared me to know what was on the other side, I braced myself and continued to wait.

And wait.

And wait.

* * *

"Ow..." I mumble to myself, my eyes weak and wanting to close. Taking a look to my left and then to my right, I realize I am in a car. Hah. Guess I must've dozed off and hit my head against the window.

After looking down, pushing the sleeve of my tux up, and checking my watch, I realize I've only been asleep for a few minutes. Thank God. If it were any longer I know I would've ended dreaming about him yet _again_.

How many times has it been? Despite having lust filled dreams every so often about him ever since we were 15, 8 years ago, it seemed to have gone further last night. In it, I finally told him how I felt and then he spoke, his voice soft as he said those three words I've always wanted to hear from him.

_"I love you."_

They say dreams are manifestations of your desires. So what these dreams have and are trying to tell me...

_"Just open up and let me in, Masaomi."_

As I turn to look to my left, I feel a sad smile make it's way to my face. With his head tilted to the side slightly, in his very own tux, his chest inflates before deflating softly as he sleeps.

_"Do it..."_

Pushing away a few strands of hair that have fallen over his eyes, I cup his pale face. My smile continues to sadden when he leans forward into my touch.

You need to know... But it will only cause complications if you did.

When I pull my hand away his eye brows furrow slightly and my smile brightens. He looks so peaceful and way too defenseless.

Hey, Mikado, what would you do if I said I wanted to have sex with you right now? How far would you let me go? Err... Should I say, would you let me?

Or what if I said I wanted Kadota to turn this car around and say I didn't want you to go through with it? Hmm? Just what would you say? What would you do? But I get the feeling you would hate me from the bottom of your heart and would never speak to me, ever again, if I did.

If only you knew what this entire situation has done to me for the past years.

Turning away from my sleepy companion, I look out the window reluctantly. If only time moved by slower.

"If only I had the guts to do something..." I mumble quietly to myself, dreading our destination.

I want to be with you more than anything. I would always be kind to you, be there when you feel like shutting the world out, and never let you go. In a life full of happiness... An existence full of love.

Looking back over to him, unable to handle the fact we are getting closer and closer to the last place I want to be at the moment, I hold back a tear. "I'll always protect you, Mikado. Why? Because, you're special and mean the world to me and I'll _never_ be able to say that to anyone else." I say in a soft whisper.

"I want to abandon all morals and reason and ravish you silly. When he the asks if anyone is against you two, I want to stand up and yell 'Like _Hell_ I'll hold my peace!' and ignore the stares and whispers that would float around if I did." And then all emotion in my voice fades and surprisingly, my voice turns stoic despite the one tear that dares roll down my face.

As the little tear rolls down and falls onto my lap, I smack myself in the forehead, my shoulders slumping in defeat. "But I can't. I want to protect you, but that would just hurt you if I did. I want to protect you, but I'm the biggest threat to you... this whole thing, it's just one big contradiction. Ugh, what am I even saying..."

After gently placing a kiss on his forehead, I move back and close my eyes. Hopefully I'll have enough time to have a quick nap before we get there. I'm surprised this is the first time I've actually said any of this out loud. Never have I voiced how I felt.

It feels just like just yesterday when this knocking first happened. Funny how fast time flies, huh?

Fiddling with the little piece of paper I hid in my sleeve, I try to hold onto whatever I have left. That little note. It's pathetic how it took me two week to only write only a few lines.

_"Do it."_ The voice tells me.

_"Do it... Do it..."_

Eyes still closed, I smile despondently and as another tear rolls down my cheek before dozens follow.

* * *

With a soft yawn, I sit up straight and look to my right. Instantly, I smile gently and chuckle softly. "'Guess we both fell a sleep, ne, Masaomi-kun?"

Looking out the window on the other side of my blonde friend, I realize we are in Kyohei's car and on our way to the church. It's really nice of Kyohei to drive us there since I broke my car last week and Kida's was stolen just a few days ago.

After looking out the window and into the world outside the car, my smile falters. We're getting closer... If only time moved by slower.

Shifting my gaze from the window to Masaomi, I stare in surprise. Is he crying...?

Quickly, I reach out and wipe his face with my sleeve only to see more tears fall. "Stop crying, Masaomi-kun..." I whisper softly to him and almost immediately, he stops. I'm not sure why he was crying, but he was probably just having a bad dream. He's always been like that, ever since we were small.

For a moment, after pulling my sleeve away from his face, I look at him sadly. "I'm such an idiot..." I say, my voice barely over a whisper.

I don't know why, but ever since we were in Raira, I've always felt like someone was constantly knocking on the other side of this door. There was this desperate need to open the door and it was all that drove me.

This door... the only way to describe it is that there was this door that separated me and my emotions from everything else. And then one day, someone on the other side started knocking–almost as if asking for entry into my heart. But even though I wanted to open the door, I was too scared too.

Just who was waiting on the other side?

With I sigh, I smile a little. I'm sure Masaomi would tease me for saying something like that. But he doesn't know what it feels like or what it means... even I'm not quite sure what it's suppose to mean, but still. Since I don't even know, I've never told him.

As I look out the window, past Masaomi, my heart drops sadly. We're getting closer...

* * *

"I do." Anri says, her eyes full of joy and her smile bright.

As I stand here, in front of all of our friends and family, my heart pounds hard and my mind is on overdrive. The priest then looks at me and I freeze. Should I go through with it...?

I stand at that place, terrified, unable to open the door.

Just like when Masaomi and I went to Raira, words cannot describe how scared I am of what lies behind that door. Ever since our days in highschool, the knocking on that door continues with the same steady rhythm. And as I stand here, about to be wed, the knocking has grown louder and desperate.

The person on the other side of the door... what are they waiting for? Why are they so desperate to get in?

Searching the crowd to my side, a head of blonde hair catches my eyes and I look at him. I'm not sure if this is my imagination, but his eyes look as if they're pleading me to say no. If he only said something to me earlier, I wouldn't be in this situation. But who am I kidding? He see's me as nothing more than a best friend.

If only you knew just what this situation is doing to me, Masaomi.

_If only you knew._

Turning back to the priest, he looks at me with soft eyes and says kindly, "We're all waiting. Do you, Ryuugamine Mikado, take this woman, Sonohara Anri, as your wife?"

_"Do it."_

With a pained heart, the knocking on the door grows louder and louder and much more desperate, almost begging me. But I'm not sure _what_ they are begging me to do. To say _yes_? To say _no_?

Just tell me what you want from me!

The person on the other side, is it Anri? No? Then who is it? Who!

"Do you?"

After looking at Masaomi one last time, I turn and nod sadly with a content smile painted on. "I do."

The priest then asks if anyone objects and I stand there, waiting for him to say something. Anything. Just say something!

He asks once more only to have the entire room dead silent, to which he happily pronounced us husband and wife. Our friends and family immediately start to clap and cheer as Anri and I kiss, our life as a married couple about to start. When we pull away, I instantly turn to look for him. As our loved ones get out of their seats to congratulate us and take pictures, I scan the large mob of people.

Where is he?

I quickly find the same head of blonde hair standing outside the church looking inside as tears begin to fall down his sweet, yet pained looking face. When I motion for him to come over, he does not make a move to come in. Instead, he smiles sadly and waves before turning to walk away.

"Congrats, Mikado!" Someone cheers while someone else pats me on the back.

"You guys are finally married! This is great, Anri!" Says another, hugging my new wife tightly.

After excusing myself, I make my way through everyone in the crowd and run out to see him, adrenaline running through my veins while my hearts pounds in my ears.

Exiting the church, I reach out and grab his wrist before he has time to walk down the steps of the church. "Masaomi-k-kun!"

"Hey, Mikado-kun," He says as he turns around, a happy smile on his face. But that smile does nothing to me as his eyes continue to shed tears. "Congrats on the marriage."

"Th-Thanks..." I say, my voice a little breathless from how much my heart has been racing. For a moment, the both of us stare at each other and his smile fades until his lips turn into a small frown.

_"Do it..."_ That voice. It's always telling me to 'do it.' And no matter what I ask, whether it be what to do, or who is always knocking, it never says.

That voice that started once that knocking started... I think finally know what it all means. I'll finally will do it! I'll finally open this door and accept what's always been waiting on the other side for all this time. I'll finally do what I've always been afraid of...

"Hey, M-Masaomi," I start. "There's something I've been meaning to tell you for a while n-now..."

"What is it?" He asks, his voice a little shakey. The knocking is now blasting and I'm finally ready to open it.

Ok, here it goes.

"Ever since highschool, I've always lo–"

"Mikado?" Turning around, I see Anri standing inside of the church with a smile, her arms linked with Erika and Walker's. "Let's take some pictures before the reception! Come on!"

But before I have time to tell her to give me a minute, she runs towards me and pulls me back into the church.

I was so close!

Don't! Stop it! Let me go, Anri! _Please_!

All of these words, they're stuck in my throat and no matter how much I try to puch them out, they just won't come out... Damnit, Anri! Just let go!

Suddenly, a hand grabs mine and a tiny piece of paper is shoved into it. Turning to look back at Kida questioningly, he smiles sadly as he waves at me. "Goodbye, Mikado."

No... no... no! This is all wrong! You're not suppose to say goodbye!

As Anri and I enter the church, flashes from cameras blur my vision and I use it as an excuse to let a few tears fall. After taking a few pictures, I once again excuse myself and step out. Looking to my left and right, I realize Masaomi has already crossed the street and is getting onto a bus.

Remembering what he had given me, I examine the small folded piece of paper before quickly opening it. Though it is only one paragraph long, my heart shatters and my eyes begin to water even more.

_Dear Ryuugamine Mikado, f__or the past few years, I've  
felt as though someone has been constantly knocking on the other  
side of the door. There was a desperate need to open the door  
and was all that drove me. But instead of opening it, I knocked back.  
In hopes of it opening since I was to scared to, I waited. And waited.  
And waited. I can't really explain the door, but someone was always knocking.  
But that's not really the point, haha._

I loved you and always _have. Ever since our days at Raira all the way to now,  
Mikado. __Have a good life with Anri and please don't __forget about me, ok?_

_- Kida Masaomi._

Soon the knocking on the other side of the door stops completely. The voice telling me to confess has faded. And the sound of footsteps on the otherside can be heard as they grow softer and softer as the person on the other side walks away.

So that's what's been waiting there all this time.

I stood at that place, terrified, unable to open the door for years. And now here I am, standing in front of the door that opened itself.

And now that it's opened, I realize it's too late.

* * *

Oh my God. **Sorry if this was confusing** and stuff, but hopefully it wasn't that bad~? :DD

Not going to lie, I am in tears now. When I read the doujin (the youtube video lolol), I cried during and for over half an hour after ;A; This might do nothing to you guys, but yeah. Haha, I'm just really frail, I guess ;n;

Anyways, I'm going to continue to cry so tell me what'cha think?

Watch the video since I doubt this is making any sense s:


End file.
